My novel Remember, (working title) isn’t all about work life, but it is about the struggle to gain resilience while living with a dissociation. In this scene, Dana is triggered by Peter’s continued attacks. Rather than dissociating, and with the help of her alter, she holds her own.

Wearing her smart red maternity outfit, Dana provided a financial snapshot of expenses to be covered by grant monies and those to be covered through fund-raising.

“But what about the Healing House costs? Why isn’t that funded?” said Peter, after Dana’s presentation. Healing House needed ongoing funds to operate and maintain. Thanks to its rehabilitation programs, government grants were available, but Peter had neglected to hire someone to write the grant application, or to write it himself, as other board members did for the residences they oversaw–it was a working board. The application deadline was fast approaching.

Tom looked expectantly at Dana to respond.

“We don’t use donor funds where we can get grant funding,” Dana said. “That’s the Carebridge strategy.” She swallowed. “How is the grant going?” she asked. 

Peter began to scrape his chair back and forth. He flapped his hands and his face reddened. He looked at Tom. Then pointed at Dana.

“She is…. just staff,” he blurted out.

The room went silent. Someone coughed.

“Yes, and highly valued staff, Peter. Do you want me to address your emotions or can we turn to the question of the grant and where to spend our fund-raising dollars?” Tom asked Peter, his tone even, the other board members looking down, glancing at Peter and looking out the window. Erika squeezed Dana’s arm in a gesture of support.

Dana’s heart was thumping. She felt the familiar sense that her mind was closing down like a tire with a slow leak flattening under pressure. As a frightened Dana would exit, Diane would take the floor. And Diane was there, ready for battle, standing guard in the shadows of Dana’s mind, watching and nodding. She stood up. It was still Dana. 

Looking at Tom, Dana said with a steely air, “Unless there’s anything else, I’ll excuse myself.”

She waited for a moment. Mary Ellen thanked her, as did Tom who then turned to the next item. No one else spoke. She gathered her folder and exited the room. She placed a note on Erika’s desk saying she was leaving for the day. It was almost five anyway. 

On the way home, Diane remained at Dana’s side like a siamese twin. 

Tom called Dana later that evening. “I wanted to see how you are,” he said.

“What about Peter?” she asked.

“Peter’s just an old man with a big case of ego,” said Tom.

“Why is he still on the board? He’s on the wrong side of the future, don’t you think, Tom?” said Dana.

“He’s got history and connections some of us don’t have. Eventually he’ll leave,” said Tom. “I’ll be frank with you. The battle to oust Peter from the board could suck me dry. I’d rather my legacy be improving our financial position. Through innovation. Data. Which is why I’m championing you, Dana. My energies are better spent on progress than on Peter.”

“But he’s dead wood…” Dana started.

“I’ll handle Peter. How are you?” he asked. There was no point pressing him.

“I’m fine. What did you think of… how I acted?” she asked, head-on. Her new directness: was it hormones? She was almost at term. Or was it the therapy? Was she integrating with Diane, taking on her no-backing-down stance?

“Peter’s comment was unacceptable. Trust me, I will speak to him about it. He left right after the meeting so I didn’t get a chance tonight,” said Tom. “You were professional, admirable. Unfazed. Shows resilience, Dana.” He paused. “No one else mentioned it. It’ll all blow over. Just keep doing what you’re doing.”

Tom’s rather cliché-ridden response was less than satisfactory but he was playing the conciliator, his default mode. Allowing Peter to save face. She could see a day when the collision course that she and Peter were on would erupt. Damn the torpedoes; she’d protect herself. Diane, her ally, was present, calmly standing at attention. 

(Excerpt from Remember (working title), by Valerie Hickey)

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As a leader, Tom has to walk a fine line, but he had a choice and he chose silence. Does this still happen?